Great working environments – trustworthiness

Great working environments  – trustworthiness.

Oriah Mountain wrote the beautiful poem “The Invitation”, and there is a specific passage in the poem that reads:

“It doesn’t interest me

if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear

the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy”.

The last sentence has actually sometimes been “re-written” and countless people have discussed why being faithless = trustworthiness. They even change the actual word faithless, to something else. But in other documents, the author has specifically stipulated that there is a reason why the word faithless is used. She meant to say, according to me, that you can only know somethings value once you experience it. Faithless in this regard is the traditional sense – either without faith or betrayal.  You need to have betrayed before you can be trusted. You need to be without faith, to be trustworthy.

From a coaching perspective, when working with trustworthy it goes down to the bone. We all have – in some way or the other – betrayed. We betrayed trust, we betrayed our relationships, and most endearing we betrayed ourselves. We all have in some ways not “shown up” for others when they needed us, or been completely honest with someone, or sometimes even trustful.

Being a proud enneagram type 2 – the helper – those that know me will know that the downfall for this type is a person that will, at all cost, help others. Sometimes to the detriment of ourselves. This stems from a deep need to be loved. In the shadow side we will manipulate others just so they can like us, and hopefully, love us. For me, it's a big thing to be trustworthy. I need others to understand that I can be trusted – no matter what. But I don’t always get it right. I fail, I partake in discussing others in a negative way, I deliver opinions on people and hurt them, sometimes not directly.  It is something that I am aware of and constantly working on.

The trustworthy core value has two portions – 1) Trust – something you can rely on 2) worthy – something that deserves respect. In this regard vulnerability also plays a role. This is where the problems start creeping in.

In the traditional corporate ladder – trustworthy and vulnerability seldom has a place in the boardroom and the corporate culture. So how do we change that? Especially if your core value is trustworthy? It starts with you.

Here are my few coaching related tips for being more trustworthy (in your career or otherwise):

First, ask yourself these questions:

1.       Am I trustworthy? As a leader? As apart of my team? In my private life? With my friends?

2.       What does being trustworthy mean to me?

3.       What does trustworthy mean for others?

4.       When have I not been trustworthy?

• Be authentic – just being yourself makes you a trustworthy person. People gravitate to people that are authentic and just themselves. This goes beyond if someone likes you.
• Be consistent – the step next to authentic life – when you don’t pretend to be something you are not, being consistent is easy.
•  Have integrity – even if no one is watching. Make the right choices.
• Be compassionate – a genuine interest and compassion towards others without compromising yourself. You cant be the best to others if you are not being compassionate towards yourself first.
• Be resourceful and a connector – we all need people in our life’s that are resourceful and can put you in contact with others. Introduce people to one another, help them along the life journey. There are just some things that neither Google or social media can assist you with, that is knowing – truly knowing, not just delivering opinions and connecting real people in real life.
• Be humble – stay humble. Always.
• Be available – within reason. This follows from being consistent.

Don’t:

·         Be that guy or girl no one can trust.

·         Always talking about others behind their backs to win favour.

·         Mis-use others for being generous and trustworthy.